By: Reginald Hodges
Welcome, all to the Club World Cup! This year looks to be a great year for the competition. Not only have the infamous Villains looked off form, but the top-tier teams are tightly matched, and so are the low-level teams. Today we have the 21 qualifying matches for the real deal. We analyze all 42 teams and 21 matches and we tell you our expert picks on who will advance, and whose tournament will end before it can start. Let's move on to our unencumbered galleries of Club World Cup predictions, and start with our first set of teams, the Edinburgh Ocelots, and the Aberdeen Highflyers. Edinburgh Ocelots VS Aberdeen Highflyers
Two evenly matched teams look to duke it out to move on to the next round. These teams are so close, it is hard to pick a winner. Look for Sharon Henderson to catch the snitch to give the Highflyers the win in today's match.South Shields Hobgoblins VS London Invictus
The Hobgoblins look slightly better on paper, but anything can happen in the Cup! The Invictus look to challenge them by using the most of Grayson McAllister's skills, while the Hobgoblins will look to Kelsey Cleaves and Martin Horton to give them a lead quickly, and to take control early. Edinburgh Reekies VS Birmingham Thunderowl
The Reekies take on the Thunderowl with two things, their logo, a rarity among bottom level clubs, and Jed Lewis to save everything that comes his way. Lewis looks like Jean-Joël Jamet when he is on form, which the Thunderowls will hope is not the case. However, barring a complete collapse, the Reekies should prevail in this match.Halifax Scorpios VS Liverpool Liverbirds
The Liverbirds have a slight advantage over the Scorpios, look for them to fly high and out of the sun, their normal tactic. The Scorpios can't fly as high as them, so look for the Liverbirds to win, but if the Scorpios can keep the 'Birds grounded, this could be a tightly contested match! Blackburn Bats VS London Raffas
The Bats look to beat the Raffas by a large margin. They believe themselves so superior, the team got tattoos saying, 'Raffa Eliminators: Season 48'. Whether this is just a mental tactic to unnerve the Raffas has yet to be determined, but the tattoos won't come off, which could become a problem if they lose their match. Belfast Caorthannach VS Chesterfield Pwners
The Pwners league play is disappointing to their fans so far this season, but hopefully they can turn things around in Cup play. That being said, the Caorthannach look to use their superb league form to own the Pwners and pawn their players off at a deep, deep discount. This match should be a short messy affair, and the game should be a close one, one that the Caorthannach should win but by the slightest of margins. Blackpool TheWicked VS Northampton Kangaroos
TheWicked were kicked out of grammar school, so they took to playing quidditch. The Kangaroos look to kick their wallabys and hop right over them in this interesting cup match. As long as the Kangaroos stay within snitch range, star seeker Amos Connelly could give them a good chance to win, but TheWicked's beaters' top notch quality should be a difficult obstacle to overcome for the Kangaroos. Aberdeen Gryffindor04 VS Cambridge Cyclops
The Gryffindor house class of '04 (on an unrelated note, the class motto was, 'We party more in Gryffindor 2004!') was drunk so they thought that creating a Quidditch Team would be the perfect thing to do. Now they are in the CWC, and no one really knows how. The Cyclops have fairly good alertness for a team with only 7 eyes and not the usual 14 or 13. The referee should keep an eye on them to make sure they don't pull out their wands and grow themselves some more eyes, because that clearly violates Section IX Chapter 1 Paragraph ZXY of the rulebook. However, the Gryffindor04, in their drunkenness forgot that no one on their team could play seeker well, so they're gonna lose. Enniskillen Pantom VS Wrexham Tyrannosaurusrex
The Tyrannosaurusrex wrecked the competition so far, but their run of good form could go extinct in this match against a Pantom team that plays a ghastly form of quidditch. Let's just hope they won't be left with their pants down. The match should be close, but in the end, the club that paid the ref off more should come out victorious. Sunderland Spriggans VS Jersey Jewelry
The Spriggans are a budding team but their hopes could be chopped down by the Jewelry. The Jewelry have bought some fancy bling, in the form of new kits by top Quidditch Apparel maker, Whoosh Quidditch Sporting Apparel. These new kits have been heralded as made from 0% recyclable material, which environmentalists say lead to deforestation. The Spriggans surely will hope that is not the case, but regardless of the intangibles, the Spriggans are not the better team, although they have a better logo. Look for them to try and win, they have a chance because they aren't on the Jersey side, but that chance is slim.Dewsbury Hornets VS York Ast
The York Ast will call upon Seeker Kimball Pumphrey to locate and catch the snitch in record time to avoid a blowout defeat at the hands of the Hornets. Such a victory would sting the ego of the Hornets for some time, as they are the classier team for sure.Brentwood Mavericks VS Sale Swords
ooc: Sale Swords? Dope
Sokolov: It's been done
The Mavericks hope not to impale their chances and avoid imploding against the Swords of Sale. Then again, the Swords' stabbing style quidditch looks to be the most tactically intriguing style for some time, so this match could be a close one regardless.Aberdeen Golds VS Aberdeen Quidditch
Two Aberdeen rivals. Two Division Seven League One Rivals. This is rivalry night gold! The Quidditch take on the Golds, and what a match it will be! The Quidditch are a mid-table team, and the Golds are in the relegation zone. This match should be an easy win for the Quidditch and a blowout would not surprise me. Gravesend Ghouls VS Great Yarmouth Gargoyles
Jinkies! We have a frightening match here! The Ghouls are the projected loser, but I think that this is the &Cupset (note on the & symbol, it is the wizarding equivalent of a #) of the round. Only one way to find out, watch the match. But be careful you make it out alive!Aberdeen GoldenGnomes VS London Socks
The GoldenGnomes. The London Socks. Who cares?Glasgow Goblins VS Farnborough Larks
According to an ancient prophecy dated 4 hours ago, the Larks will beat the Goblins in today's quidditch match. This prophecy was first reported by Farnborough.Larks/BQL/Quidditch.com. The Goblins haven't traditionally set stock in divination, and according to their most devoted fans, they won't start now.Galway Albatross VS High Wycombe Ducks
Whatever happened to Low Wycombe you ask? When a Wingardium Leviosa spell went wrong, Low Wycombe was elevated 8,700 meters in the air. Thus their quidditch players have an advantage at the home field, and by playing some high altitude quidditch. Will their style prevail? You bet it will. Their style fits their bill perfectly, and the Albatross will vanish again this year. Navan Dragonheartstring VS Solihull Shields
Dragonheartstring has no Seeker. With a manager desperately pulling strings and breaking hearts to get a dragon of a signing done before the match, chances are slim to none that the Dragonheartstring will win this match.Farnborough Fawkes VS Barry BeeBensons
After a team training camp in Phoenix, the Fawkes look ready to rumble. In their way would be a team that was founded as marketing material for a sub-par movie. The teams are so similar, I've got nothing. Nothing. I've run out of stuff and I still have two matches to report on. I should retire while I am ahead.London Weeditchs VS Liverpool Lays
The Weeditchs are coming into this match smoking cold, having only won one game so far this year. They should take an early lead though, but expect Lays to chip away and win in a come from behind match.
Sokolov: that double entendre! Let's hope the Liverpool Lays, known as a good lay by the ladies, do indeed 'come from behind'.Margate Militia VS Manchester City
Manchester City is a soccer team. Not a quidditch team. Get out. But, at least they have a *stolen* logo. That's more than most of the rest of these clubs can say they got! I predict a final score of 880:870. Who wins you ask? I don't know, I don't care. The final will be 880:870.
That's all the matches. We have all the coverage. Tune in next time if you want a hilariously pathetic and long winded team report, or if you need a nap and need something to help you go to sleep.
Signing off, Reginald Hodges.